Posts

calm quiet

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i'm having a hard time lately coming up with ideas to blog about.  things are relatively easy and quiet with my life these days.  which is very unsettling for me.

so today, it's not much of a post.  more of a check in.  to remind myself of the things i've gone through. the things i've done.

this blog really has become a place of reflection.  i go back and read the early posts.  how naive, and silly i sounded in my 20's.  to how sad and jaded i became after the loss of my beautiful daughter.  to where i am now.  a divorced mom of two boys, in the midst of her 30's, learning to love again.

life's short my friends.  love hard, laugh a lot, take in the beauty of every day, no matter how hard it is to find it sometimes. 



the masks we wear

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It's been a week of not so great news.  Too much sadness, chaos, and worry.  It's easy to get lost in thoughts of what is wrong, what could go wrong.  And with all of this, as you might be able to tell from my previous posts, it sends my head spinning in 20 different directions.

Yesterday at work, someone told me that they always looked forward to seeing me come through their office door, because I always had a smile on my face.  That I was able to brighten their day.  This got me thinking - do I come across as fake?  Lately, I'm generally ok with where things are with life.  My kids are happy & healthy.  I have a wonderful circle of friends.  I've met a great guy, who I'm slowly letting in.

But yet with all these positive things, there is always an undertone of sadness.  Anxiety.  Stress.  I'm the type of person who tends to expect the worst.  Maybe by expecting the worst, I'm not disappointed as often.  Yet, I apparently still keep this brighten your …

chances of fate

i'm not much of a big believer in things happening for a reason. mostly i believe that we meet people for a reason.

sometimes this takes you by surprise.  you might turn a casual acquaintance into a lover, who turns into a wonderful friend.  someone who you didn't know at all yesterday might become one of the most important people in your life.  and sometimes, people become strangers.  it's hard to imagine that someone who 6 months ago was the most important person in your life can become someone "you used to know".

i don't even know where i'm trying to go with this today.  i was listening to a song, that reminded me of one of those important friends today.  someone who no matter how our relationship changes, i hope that no matter how the course of our lives change, or who comes into our lives, that we will take those changes and let them intertwine together, so you're always one of the first i want to tell my important to.

I never thought that You wou…

Let’s Talk

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Today is Bell’s Let’s Talk day. If you are reading this from somewhere else, or are currently residing under a rock, its an initiative to bring awareness and raise funds for mental health.

Mental health. It’s a tough subject.  No one wants to admit to having a problem. Suffering silently until sometimes it’s just too much to handle. Unfortunately, I know far too many people who have lost this battle. 
I’m the last one to talk about this in relation to me. But I think that to do so is an effort to be aware, make people understand, and have my voice heard.
Depression. Anxiety. What I shrug off as “girl brain”. I’ve always been over sensitive to things, super emotional, who can go from laughter to tears to raging mad in a matter of seconds. I question everything and everyone around me. I worry about how I look, what people think, if people like me. I consistently think people are talking negatively about me. That everything that’s not perfect or doesn’t go according to plan somehow is my…

snowy tuesday thoughts

“Do good and good things will come your way.” “What goes around comes around..” “Smile, forgive & let karma take care of the rest.”
I woke up this morning to a snowfall, which always puts a smile on my face.  There’s something about the calm quiet that comes with an early morning snow, the fresh coat of white that blankets the slush, grey of January that makes me feel very much at peace.
That got me to thinking about fresh starts.  Karma.  The notion that if you’re a good person, good things will come your way.  I wish I believed in that.  I like to think I’m a good person.  Most of the time.  So it’s hard to watch good fortune come to all those around me, while I just go through the motions of struggling through the days.  While I believe that the life we live shapes us, forms us, makes us or breaks us, a person can only take so many negative things until eventually that strength is threatened.  I say all the time how blessed I am that I’m surrounded by good friends, a wonderful…

love of the truest kind

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There’s not much I’m prouder of than the 2 little boys I share my world with.  My sons are the best part of me.  It’s funny, I never pictured myself as a so-called “mom of boys” before I had children.  But now, I can’t imagine any different scenario.
My house is messy, loud, full of hockey sticks, a never ending supply of fart jokes, and wrestling.  My house is also full of laughter and love.
I think that being a single mom is giving me an interesting outlook on how to parent these little boys.  To turn them into strong men, who will be able to cook, clean, take care of bills, all while being kind, caring, thoughtful & loyal.  There’s a certain perception of someone being a Momma’s boy.  It’s a special bond between a mother and son.  I will forever be their biggest fan, the loudest one in the stands cheering them on, beaming with pride at their accomplishments.  But in return, the fierce love and protection that my sons offer me give me hope that I am raising kids that I hope wi…

cognizant

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The spiciness of a good red wine, the sound of rain on the windows, the calm quiet that accompanies a nighttime snowfall.

I have been noticing lately that I'm far more aware of things around me.  My senses are either getting sharper or I'm just taking time to enjoy things a little more.  For the most part, life's pretty good these days.  It isn't easy, but it's good. 

As always, there's music playing around in my mind, and lately this song has been hitting pretty close to where I think I am in life. :)