Gimme a break!

I was chatting with a friend and co-worker today about life.. how overwhelmed and unhappy I am.  

She very nicely told me to give myself a break.  We are living in a new, uncertain world.  Take a minute.  Reflect on everything.  Give yourself a minute.  You aren't expected to "breeze through all this shit".  

So today, I went for a walk.  I worked out.  And then I meditated.  I have never been one to do any of these things on a regular basis.  A walk, sure.  But I get bored ten seconds in.  So today, I put on some kind of "positivity" podcast and trekked for 20 minutes or so.  I felt ... ok.  Silly, but ok.  

On my lunch break, I did a 20 minute workout.  It challenged me.  It made me feel more focused when I went back to my work for the afternoon.  This made me appreciate it a little more.  I could see this becoming a more regular occurrence.

Then I meditated.  This.  This is scary.  I have no interest in being along with my own thoughts for so long.  But a mantra came out of it.  Inhale - Let, Exhale  Go.  I'm going to try this in my day to day more often.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm still an unhappy soul.  But just for a minute or two today... I was able to focus on me.  There are so many things that get under our skin.  Mine is a little more tender lately I find.  I've been spending so much time reflecting on the things that I've been through.  So many things that for so many years I have thought - No one should have to go through this much bad to find a little bit of good.  When's my time going to come?  Who knows.  None of us do.  We all have our blessings, our trials and tribulations.  I know that to people who look at my life from the outside, that it looks charmed.  But do you ever stop to wonder what's going on behind someone's doors?  And no - I'm not talking literal doors - I'm talking about the doors and walls we put up to protect ourselves from hurt.  Or the doors we refuse to open because once we do, the tears won't stop?