snowy tuesday thoughts

“Do good and good things will come your way.”

“What goes around comes around..”

“Smile, forgive & let karma take care of the rest.”

I woke up this morning to a snowfall, which always puts a smile on my face.  There’s something about the calm quiet that comes with an early morning snow, the fresh coat of white that blankets the slush, grey of January that makes me feel very much at peace.

That got me to thinking about fresh starts.  Karma.  The notion that if you’re a good person, good things will come your way.  I wish I believed in that.  I like to think I’m a good person.  Most of the time.  So it’s hard to watch good fortune come to all those around me, while I just go through the motions of struggling through the days.  While I believe that the life we live shapes us, forms us, makes us or breaks us, a person can only take so many negative things until eventually that strength is threatened.  I say all the time how blessed I am that I’m surrounded by good friends, a wonderful family, and I know I’m blessed to have a roof over my head, and food on my table.  So what’s missing?  God, I wish I knew.  There’s just this feeling of the little rain cloud over my head, telling me I could be doing better, that I’m just not quite good enough. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I know that everyone has their trials and tribulations.  Illness, abuse, hunger, financial worries.  We all have our experience with these things.  And if you haven’t been touched by any of those, you are a lucky soul.  Truly.  I’ve battled most of these things, and I know I’m a strong person.  But this strong person feels very near the edge of breaking.  So when that happens, who’s there to pick up the pieces?