Let’s Talk

Today is Bell’s Let’s Talk day. If you are reading this from somewhere else, or are currently residing under a rock, its an initiative to bring awareness and raise funds for mental health.

Mental health. It’s a tough subject.  No one wants to admit to having a problem. Suffering silently until sometimes it’s just too much to handle. Unfortunately, I know far too many people who have lost this battle. 

I’m the last one to talk about this in relation to me. But I think that to do so is an effort to be aware, make people understand, and have my voice heard.

Depression. Anxiety. What I shrug off as “girl brain”. I’ve always been over sensitive to things, super emotional, who can go from laughter to tears to raging mad in a matter of seconds. I question everything and everyone around me. I worry about how I look, what people think, if people like me. I consistently think people are talking negatively about me. That everything that’s not perfect or doesn’t go according to plan somehow is my fault.  

When I lost Jenna, my world collapsed. I couldn’t get out of bed. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. Ignored the world.

When my marriage ended, I became a self proclaimed hermit. I stayed within a small circle of people and didn’t step out of my comfort zone. 

Currently, I can’t even put into words how bad my anxiety is. I’m short tempered. I’m emotional. I’m sure I’m doing every thing wrong. 

But for once, I’m putting all of this out for you to read. If anyone’s reading.  This is so very far out of my comfort zone that my stomach is in knots just thinking about it.  

Let’s talk. Every day. Not just today.