a bit of a break

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so, i've been on a bit of a break from blogging. it took me a little while to adjust to the idea of being pregnant again. what a range of emotions... fear, happiness, guilt, excitement. but the guilt. oh my. i felt like i was betraying jenna's memory by having another baby so soon. i spent alot of time dealing with that, and yes, i know it's silly to think that way, but that's the mind of a grieving mom i guess.

so far, things have been not so bad with this pregnancy. i'm tired alot, and quite nauseous, but nowhere near as miserable as i was when i was pregnant with jenna.

we had an ultrasound done last thursday, and got to see the "gummy bear" as everyone has started calling it. baby was measuring perfectly at 9 weeks, and had a heartrate of 174 bpm. that was the most emotional day. the minute that i heard that heartbeat, i dissolved into a quivering mess of tears, just knowing that the last time i'd laid on that bed in that ultrasound room, the only heartbeat that i could hear was my own.

my first OBS appointment is scheduled for the 21st. i'm looking forward to it, just to get to hear that wonderful sound again.

in other news, we're embarking on a super busy weekend - christmas parties, work, appointments, and birthdays. :) stay tuned.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Crystal, I don't think Jenna would want you to feel guilty about having another baby. You aren't replacing her and she knows that. Don't ever worry about betraying her memory. You honor her memory on a daily basis.
10:55 AM
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