an angry, angry day

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yesterday was dark.
i was angry.  angry at the world, people, smiles, God.  i wanted my baby back.  it's been the darkest day in weeks.  i couldn't stop yelling, crying, and throwing things around the house.  i ended up making a trip to the doctor to pick up a form for nursery school for my boy and she took one look at me and pulled me in the office.  she finally gave me something to help me sleep (my sleep patterns are HORRIFIC) and on the days when i'm tired, i fall deepest.
anger.  it's such a strong emotion. my chest had what felt like the world's biggest knot in it... i physically was drained.  my eyes hurt from crying.  and worst of all - i couldn't help but be angry at some of the people i care about most.  they have healthy kids (so do i, but somehow that escaped me), they were too busy with their own lives to check in on me, and why, WHY, WHY, would anyone tell me that it was "God's plan" or "for the best".  why, WHY would God take a sweet, innocent child, who never got to take a breath, from her parents?  her parents who only ever wanted to love her & take care of her??
like i said, it was a dark, dark day.

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