you know what sucks?

it really sucks when in casual conversation, i mention that my daughter has passed away, and people are absolutely horrified. the girl at the grocery store told me how great my necklace was, and asked what the charms meant. there is a charm for each of the kids with their birthstones, and jenna's has an angel wing attached. sooo, i told her that my daughter had passed.
then, i donated a bunch of stuff to a yard sale for a local fundraiser. the woman congratulated me on the baby (having known i was pregnant), and i told her that jenna was stillborn. she also, looked horrified. both of these things happened within a half hour of each other.

i wish people could talk to me about her without getting that look on their face. i'm ok with talking about jenna. i actually feel better for the talking that i've done.

i've found some amazing resources online using social networking sites, and message boards. i've also met some other amazing angel-mommies who have been absolute rocks for me to talk to. without them, i couldn't get through my days. if i'm upset, i can type an email, and have messages back from other moms who are, or have, gone through the exact same thing, either recently, or years ago. these women amaze me with their strength, and wrap me in their understanding. if any of you are reading - thank you. thank you so much.

one of those moms put it in perspective for me today. none of us asked for the job of being a mom to an angel, and would never want to be one. however, those angel babies give us strength, and teach us important life lessons. i've said this before, jenna taught me so much, and i'm so blessed for what she's done for me.

love you angel. i miss you every day. i'm not the only one - your dad and godfather went out and had coffee with you yesterday morning, and your godmother and i brought you flowers too. loved by so many, missed by so many.

xo