feeling weird

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i haven't shed a tear today. it feels strange not to have cried today.

i did go through all the baby stuff in the basement today, and still no tears. maybe the fog is starting to lift.

i've decided that on friday, which is my expected due date, i'm going to pick up 3 helium balloons, and mark, alex & i are all going to go to the cemetery and let them go, with notes attached. i need to acknowledge the day somehow, and i don't know how to do it. so sending a note to my angel is the only way i can think to do it.

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