time slipping by

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i can't believe how quick this month has gone by. it's been a blur of bad memories, and i can't seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

i am trying so hard to work my way through this muck, but all i can do is google and learn about stillbirths and spend time reading other people's blogs at thsi point. i feel as though my heart has been smashed into 5000 pieces. how do you come back from that?

i'm having a hard time with starting what these doctors call the "grieving process". i'm so afraid that if i start coming to terms with things that i'll forget my sweet jenna. and i can't bear the thought that someday i won't remember just what she looked like, or what it felt like when she would give me a little kick in the belly.

my days are so full with alex that night time is the absolute worst time of the day for me. i've also come to the realization that i can't stand to be by myself... and for anyone who knows me, you know how much i love my time to myself.

dear jenna,
i love you. i know that you would have been loved by everyone who met you. because i've seen just how much people cared about you before you even got here. i love you sweet girl. i won't forget you. ever.
love,
mommy.
xox

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